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Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
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12:09 pm - Plans for the future
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So when I get back to Japan, there will be an obligatory time of humdrum activities, i.e. work. Who knows what'll eventually get me out there, but the big thing is to eventually get myself a business of my own, something that I can eventually get to be self-sufficient to the point that I wouldn't have to do a damn thing to keep getting money. It's been a fancy of mine to own a bar over there for a while, but as good friends have pointed out it needs some kind of a gimmick to work. Now, I could enroll at the trick-bartender school that TGIF runs, but the main thing is, of course, the drinks. Having spent a fair amount of time in bars in Japan, I got an idea of what kind of things are popular, versus what could concievably be popular if the ingredients were available. So, I've come up with a preliminary list of special drinks my bar would have to offer. Feel free to toss in any drinks you know or think would be a cool addition.
The Sakeo Special: Highball
1~2 jiggers of Bombay Sapphire gin
Fill w/ Coca-Cola
Ice
Lime
Grasshopper: Shot
1 part Creme de Menthe
1 part Creme de Cacao
1 part Irish Cream
Southern Discomfort (thanks to Tomoe for the name): Highball
50~75% Southern Comfort
Fill w/ water
add 1 packet of Spiced Cider mix
ice or hot, depending on which tastes better (more testing may be needed)
Tropical Headache: Shot
1/2 Coconut flavored rum
1/2 Pineapple flavored rum
just like a pina colada, but without any of that prissy fruit juice.
The Unnamed Drink: Lowball
1~2 parts gin (customers preference)
2 parts Midori
Fill w/ Melon Soda
Ice
An original creation of mine, later modified by Derek to include Midori. I could call it a Blind Melon, but that would require people knowing that too much gin used to make you go blind (huzzah for bathtub gin). Then again, that slightly sad attempt at humor does seem to fit with a lot of drink names. Or I could steal from Terry Pratchett and call it A Slow, Comfortable Double Entendre, which would be great to hear Japanese people try and pronounce it.
Thats all I've got for now. Perhaps more later.
current mood: Flumoxed
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| Monday, October 25th, 2004
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10:20 pm - Hello all again
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Greetings to the none of you out there reading this (as I've lost my loyal fanbase of...Steve...for not updating in a fair amount of time). Well, there is a reasonable explanation for not updating in almost 16 months, which is that I forgot my password for this journal. Brilliant move on my part, eh? Well, to be honest, I'd actually forgotten about the entire journal, until an old friend from high school mentioned that he'd read my most infamous post (thanks Tiana). So, as loath as I was to do it, I took down the various posts that had to do with my more personal exploits in Japan for the sake of decency, or in case I ever try to start a political career in the future. Another reason is that I no longer view them as any sort of accomplishment, and I find them devoid of any real meaning. To be sure they were enjoyable while they lasted, but when I can't read back through them without a cringe it's a sign that they should be retired, at least from the public view. However, if you, my loyal readers, bug me enough I can probably make them available to the people on my friends list.
Anyway, life continues to progress, as it is wont to do. I'm still working on the ennui that has befallen me and my fellow exchange students since our return from Japan. Looking back, I've got to say that it was the best year of my life to date. I miss being back there, and I hope that the day I can return for a longer period of time comes soon.
Things continue well with Yuu. We had a wonderful time together over the summer, although she developed a tragic addiction to Thai and Peruvian cuisine. And Ikea, randomly enough. But, I suppose this means we'll be coming back to the U.S. together often enough, which will make my mother happy. I doubt she'd ever come to visit in Japan, what with her aversion to flying, but that's okay. Yuu gets her Pad Kee Mao, El Pollo Inca soup, and affordable Swedish crap, and I get In-N-Out, to see my friends, and live for a little while in a place where the ceilings are higher. Hopefully Dad will make it out to Japan a few times a year, since hot springs are awesome.
Another interesting development is that Yuu has, apparently, gotten fat. I think what upset her the most is that her chest didn't have the decency to get bigger along with the rest of her. Now, considering that she has complained about her weight before to me, and taking into account the way her body looked at the time, I have concluded that she will not be satisfied until she looks like a swizzle-stick. However, this whole development has led to an amazing discovery. I'm sure everyone knows that when an American girl says that she's fat it's the human female equivalent of a rattlesnakes rattle. With a Japanese girl, apparently, when she says she's fat, it means, amazingly, that she thinks she's fat. And she will not verbally castrate you if you say...well, anything. I always avoided this subject when she'd brought it up previously, but when it was brought up recently I found out I could say just about anything without it turning into a war. I had thought that some things, such as the fat conversation with women, were universal but, happily, this does not appear to be the case. So, she's lost 5 kilograms at the gym in the last few weeks, and hopes to lose another 5 soon. I hope she doesn't go overboard with the whole weight loss thing and end up looking like Calista Flockhart. Thats just way too similar to necrophilia.
Okay, I think I'm done for the night. I need to get up early for science tomorrow morning, so I'll be off. I'll try and write a little more often, but who knows how that'll go. Still, it is kind of nice to be writing again. I guess I can't stay away forever. Unless of course I forget my password again permanently. Then I guess I won't have a choice.
Love and Peace,
Justin
current mood:  tired
current music: No music this time. Maybe later.
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
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4:41 pm - The Pike Identity
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Gatha roun', chillun, cuz Unka Justins gon tell yew a story.
Uh, right...
Anyway, sometimes you come across certain realizations in life. For example, 'bees like honey' or 'putting your hand on a burning hot electrical coil hurts' or 'this coffee tastes like monkey feces.' But the realization I came across the other day was 'William Pike should never be allowed near alcohol again. Ever'
Some of you may have heard stories about the Texan in question, but I'll recap for the audience that I pretend exists to make myself feel important. One of the exchange students is a guy by the name of William Pike, from Texas. He's a nice enough guy; likes anime, the game of go, and telling everyone in earshot that texans are the most superior race of people on the planet. However, what Pike likes most of all is alcohol. Excessively.
In the first few weeks of our arrival in Japan, a large group of us went out to a bar for drinks. Pike began to impart small bits of drinking wisdom (for example, how to use the oil on your head to reduce the foam on beer. Go figure), and telling us how much of an accomplished drinker he was. His general tone was suggesting that he could drink any one of us under the table, any day of the week. A few days later, a larger group went out for karaoke in Machida. We got a two hour nomihoudai (all you can drink), and our Pikey took advantage of that, drinking as many whiskey cokes as he could get. Most of us were a little tipsy, which made it easier to sing in front of people you barely know, but good ol' Pike ended up throwing up on himself and passing out on the floor. This would be an indicator of things to come.
Since then, Pike has continued to get drunk and make an ass out of himself. Some highlights are the times he molested Aiko Matsumoto in front of her boyfriend and his girlfriend, the time he told his girlfriend he had slept with 5 or 7 girls while he was dating her, and then couldn't understand why she didn't take it as a joke, and the time he threw up all over himself and a taxi cab, passed out on the side of the road, got alcohol poisoning, and had to be taken home in an ambulance (I was the lucky guy who got to take care of him that time >_<), and many other lesser vomits and such. And through all this time, he never admits that he was sloshed, never apologizes for what he did, and insists that he can drink more than anyone else.
cuz he's from Texas.
But the latest time was a doozy. Pike had been drinking for about 5 hours before Alex and a very unhappy me (pikes presence in a bar is like a big flashing sign that says TONIGHT IS GOING TO SUCK!). During this time, he had been reading The Bourne Supremacy, which I had loaned him. When we got to the bar, I had a gin and tonic, alex got a pint of beer, and pike got himself a liter tower of beer. As he's chugging this huge beer down (spilling a good tenth of it down his shirt), the sign in my minds eye began to get increasingly brighter. So, I try to ditch him, saying that I don't like the bar we're in, so I'm going someplace else. Sadly, Pike decides to join me and Alex at Cheeth, my favorite place. When we get there, pike immediately goes for the whiskey, and my eyes begin to hurt from the brightness of that damn sign.
Then pikes lovely girlfriend, a gaijin hunter with the intelligence of a doorstop, joins us and demands that we drink Snake. Snake is our name for the jug of alcohol that has a good half dozen dead snakes floating in it. I remember hearing that the ingredients were shochu, tequila, and Spyritus, a 96% alcohol vodka. This stuff could set a table on fire, and actually did at one point that night. So anyway, Rieko demands that we drink this stuff because its her graduation day. So, with emotions ranging from glee (guess who) to sheer reluctance on my part, we drink this horrible stuff. A shot of this shit is like getting punched in the throat...
Fast forward to a few hours later, and we see pike and alex sitting on the small patio part of the bar. Its a nice night, and they're enjoying a smoke and a drink outside. Suddenly, pike begins to talk about how he's so confused since he lost his memory. And how his wife was killed three years ago. And how he's married to a woman named marie. And used to be Delta. Now, Alex has never read or seen The Bourne Identity, so this makes no sense. I'm sitting in another part of the bar, chatting up two drunken barmaids, and have no idea whats going on. So, Pike suddenly grabs his glass of whiskey, tosses it up into the air, and tries to catch it in midair.
As both of them look at the broken glass and spilled whiskey on the floor, Pike says to alex:
p: Did you see that?
a: uhm, yes.
p: I wasn't born being able to do that. They trained me to do that.
a: riiight
By now, Pike has begun to really freak out. He ends up yelling that government agents are trying to kick my ass, attempts to strangle alex, jumps over a railing and falls flat on his face (that part I got to see ^_^), and runs off into the night.
During the course of the night (this was about 2 or so, we left at 5) pike begins to call all of us. He would yell code words and coordinates at us and hang up abruptly, or start babbling complete nonsense. He actually believed he was Jason Bourne! So, by the time he sobered up, he had broken into a car, scraped all the skin off his right hand by punching things, called me, alex, and rieko constantly (we started playing along with him for our own amusement. Hey, it may have made things worse, but that bastard left us with a huge bill), tried to break into my apartment, and broke into the apartment next door to alex, presumably thinking it was alex's room. At any rate, he was stark raving insane for about 10 hours. We're talking schizophrenic activities here, boys and girls.
But, all good things must come to an end, and Pike eventually came back to his senses. I still haven't heard an apology from him, or even much of anything admitting he got drunk out of his mind. Well, one can only hope that this time Pike learned his lesson.
.......
I'm not lending him any more books. Imagine what would happen if he read Jurassic Park!
Night all. I'm off to take a shower, and maybe hit on a barmaid or two. The night is young, and...stuff.
Love and Peace (^^)v
current mood:  irate
current music: Secret Agent Man
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| Thursday, February 27th, 2003
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11:06 am - Gooood morning Machida
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Hello again, to all...ok, none of you... who read this. I'm no longer sick (physically, at least), and I'm back and ready for an update.
You ever notice how easily some people are influenced by external stimuli? For example, last night i was watching the movie Cube with some friends. Aside from having no plot development to speak of and no more of a message than 'Don't build giant cubes filled with lethal traps', it was a pretty good movie. However, there was one scene where the characters were at a particularily deadly trap that involved a room full of spikes that extended whenever a sound was made. Think Mission: Impossible with higher stakes. So, everything is silent in the movie, and the other guys are so into the scene that they're trying not to make any sound either. It did my heart good to scare the hell out of them by speaking loudly. Ah, humans...
So, anyway, I'm tired. I have work in a few hours, where i'll have the great opportunity to teach a coat that may, or may not, contain a 3 year old girl. Either way, I'll get the rewarding feeling of speaking English to a piece of fabric. And getting paid for it!!! Gods, I love Japan.
All right, I'm off. Hasta kondo.
current mood:  amused
current music: Date Rape - Sublime ; Smack My Bitch Up - Prodigy
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| Wednesday, February 12th, 2003
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3:17 pm - sick
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Being sick sucks, especially when you cough so hard it feels like your lungs are going to end up hanging out of your mouth like a party favor. So, i'm gonna try to keep that from happening. More to come when i feel better.
current mood:  sick
current music: Tenacious D - Tribute
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| Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
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2:20 pm - Sumo!
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Sumo: Not just fat guys bumping into each other.
After going to see a sumo match on Saturday, I'm left with one major question. Before the action, when the wrestlers are doing various things around the ring, they pick up salt and throw it into the ring. If I was a sumo wrestler, the temptation to misuse the salt would be pretty damn overwhelming. I mean, think about it. They give you a huge pile of stuff guarenteed to blind your opponant right before you fight. Shit! I'd be undefeated!
Greatest moment of the whole match was one fight where this one wrestler kept smacking himself over and over, presumably to pump up the crowd and show how much of a bad-ass he was. He then lost the match in less than 3 seconds. Classic.
Well, enough for now. I have a date with this Japanese chick, Kaori, tonight. So, for the last time to you bastards back in Redondo, I AM NOT GAY!
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: System of a Down - Chop Suey!
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| Thursday, January 23rd, 2003
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12:54 am - Oissu!
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OH MY GODS, CALL THE COPS! I was being held captive by a madman in his subterrainian lair...which is why I'm a little late updating the journal. I CAN DESCRIBE EVERYTHING FOR POLICE ARTISTS! There were doors, there were walls. DON'T MAKE ME RELIVE IT! I CAN'T...
Ah, shit. Sorry. Ahem.
Hello, and hisashiburi! As you may recall, I am Justin Liquorman, an outspoken, outmoted, outcasted, out...uh...somthing individual. Some of you may remember me from my television commercials How To Get Girls By Being A Extreamly Shy and Isolated Person, and the wildly successful follow-up, How To Get Girls By Tricking Your Friends Into Being Extreamly Shy And Isolated Person With Phony Commercials, Leaving Yourself As The Only Interesting Man In Your Group. But I digress...
I'm currently living in Japan. Yes, the dream has become a reality. It took a while, but I finally made it. In my struggle to become one of the thousands of gaijin living here, I went through many wild and hair-raising adventures, none of which I will mention here because they never really happened. However, I watched a lot of anime, took some Japanese classes, met a few Japanese girls, and eventually applied for and was accepted to the Reconnaisence Japan program. Well, okay, there may have been one or two Super Monkeys involved, but I'll save that for another time.
So now, on to the account of my arrival and acclimation to Japan.
I arived safely in Japan, although we had an engine
problem before we left LAX, so I spent an extra two
hours there. I was the last person to arrive, and
everyone was pretty tired and cranky at having to wait
at Narita International Airport for many many hours.
We then took a lengthy bus ride to Machida, which is
where I live in Japan, and went to a hotel for the
night. I had a private room, which was nice, but I
only spent a few hours in it. More on that in the next
paragraph.
I stepped outside the hotel at about midnight, which
was shortly after we arived, for a breath of fresh
air, and made my first friend shortly thereafter.
There was a guy in the group who was also outside,
smoking a cigarette. I struck up conversation with
him, and after a while we ended up wandering around
downtown Machida for 2 hours, before we went into a
bar for a drink. His name is Jon, he's from St. Louis,
and he's a pretty cool guy. After buying my fist
alcoholic drink here, we went back to our respective
rooms and crashed for a few hours. Then it was up
again for the traditional Japanese breakfast:
McDonalds!
My apartment is pretty cool. There's an
entryway/kitchen, which houses a
microwave/toaster-oven type contraption, a mini gas
range/grill, a mini fridge/freezer, and a washing
machine/spin-dryer (the Japanese love appliances that
require a slash in the description). Attached to the
hallway is a bathroom that some might call cozy,
whereas I call it pretty damn tiny. In Japan you wash
yourself first before you get in the bath, so you have
to stand outside the tub and get the floor all wet.
But, it has a floor drain in the room, so it's all
gravy. Granted, I need lessons from a contortionist to
fit in the bath itself (about 4 1/2 feet long, 4 feet
wide, and 27 feet deep. Note to self: buy a snorkel).
Those kooky Japanese. Then there's a pretty large
living room, about 8 feet wide and 25 feet long, and a
ladder that leads up to a loft, which is where I
sleep. It's a pretty nice place, if a little small.
But, it's bigger than a lot of dorms, and I don't have
a roomate either. It works for me.
I go to a university here called Obirin, the supposed sister-university of the Ohio based Oberlin university. Spoon. It's a pretty cool place, all and all. I just finished up classes here, events that I'd rather not discuss for fear of jumping in front of a train, a popular activity amongst college students here. Although highly entertaining, I'd rather not partake in it. Too messy. I've been in Japan long enough to know that if I died and left such a huge mess after me, I'd die of embareassment.
Got a bunch of girls that have seemed interested in me, but still trying to figure out which ones actually like me for who I am, and which ones just want a trophy to show to their friends. Hard to decern the difference sometimes, but that's the way it goes. But, if it means some good dirty sex, I suppose I can stand being a status symbol. Hey, at least it's not Enjo Kosai. I couldn't afford all the Louis Vuiton bags.
Well, I need to go hit up a bar before it's time to find a cab home. Rest assured I'll write again soon, probably on the whole Aiko problem. Best wishes, and try not to get the 'It's a Small World' song stuck in your head. Adios and Ja ne, I'm out.
Justin, the one and only Liquorman (excepting the liquormen who make up my family; dad, sis, gramps, and the rest.)
current mood:  indescribable
current music: Ｓｙｓｔｅｍ ｏｆ ａ Ｄｏｗｎ - Ｐｒｉｓｏｎ Ｓｏｎｇ； Ｉｔ’ｓ ａ Ｓｍａｌｌ Ｗｏｒｄ
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| Friday, August 3rd, 2001
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2:59 am - Ano sa...
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Oi
Woah! Check out the dust that just flew off this thing! Well, after being on haiatus for a month or so, I'm back. Just got back from Rush Hour 2. Funny movie. I love having friends who have conections at movie theaters. Screenings...good!
I hate this country more and more each day. The anti-cloning law is just another prime example of how fucked up the government can be. The separation of church and state is complete and utter bullshit. Anyone who disagrees with me on this, face reality you idiot! This whole thing is based on a christian ideal: that human life is granted by God, and that it is an abbomination to create it on our own. Same with abortion, another Christian ideal that says that God grants life to a fetus, so it's murder to abort it. Jesus tap-dancing Christ, this is insane! I want to get the hell out of this Christian cesspool and into a country where that oppresive religion hasn't squelched the life and culture of the indignious people. Japan, here I come! As soon as I get out of school, I'm moving to Nippon to seek my future. I don't mind laws, but fuck me if I'm gonna follow religious ideals that are made offical by Dubya and the rest of the morons in Washington.
If I ever get religious, I'm going for Shinto. Follow me on this for a second. Every religion out there says that it's the true religion, and every other one is a false religion that you will go to hell for believing in it. But the most popular religions have the one true God to them. That's a pretty big risk. Shinto, on the other hand, is polytheistic. Thousands upon thousands of gods! So, I figure I have a better shot of a shinto god being right. The afterlife is like the lottery. Some people buy one ticket and hope that it's a winner. I'm buying me thousands of the suckers. Increases my odds
Well, I've been strange enough for now. Night all
current mood: indifferent
current music: Get Along - Megumi Hayashibara
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| Thursday, June 14th, 2001
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2:54 am - Hello St. Louis!!
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Greetings again,
I have decided I want to start writing again. Not just the crap I put into this journal every so often, but actual stories. Just fan fiction for now. It's easier, since the characters all already created and developed for you. I'll probably start a gaiden (side story) of something soon, creating new characters and utilizing existing ones at the same time. After that, I'll just write something. I've got the writing bug again, and I need to just start writing something again. Maybe I'll post some of my old works in here, if I can find them again... anyway, that's all for now. I'm tired, and need to go buy Japanese food in the morrow. Ye gods I love being home, I've so missed Mitsuwa (ni Yaohan) since I left for home. Must bloat on kuri and ramen before I have to endure Dining Commons food again in the fall. Ja neh, mina-san
~Justin "I am the Spalding Grey of crap!" L.
current mood:  naughty
current music: Tank! - The Seat Belts (Cowboy Bebop OST)
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| Thursday, May 31st, 2001
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7:39 am
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For those of you who have never seen this, here are the
::Dramatic Thunder::
LAWS OF ANIME
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
The normal laws of physics do not apply.
#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation
Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics
In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion
In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion
The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability
Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality
'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality
It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis
Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).
#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy' kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different angles.
#11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility
Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary - Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary - Large cities are the most explosive substances known to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".
#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission
Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
#13 - Law of Energetic Emission
There is always an energy build up (commonly referred to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.
#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary - Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also known as the A-Ko phenomenon.
#15 - Law of Inexhaustibility
No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.
#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example: A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary - The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire, it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
Minmei is a bimbo.
#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes more, under high pressure.
#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency
Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.
#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability
Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a song.
First Corollary - Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.
#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability
Tactical geniuses aren't....
#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
People never notice the little things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.
#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice as annoying.
#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism
Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
First Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line Effect)
Second Corollary - The only people who are more stupid than the American translators are the American editors and censors.
#25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality
The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.
#26 - Law of Feline Mutation
Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any
#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower
Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as a last resort.
#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence
The formal training required to operate a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.
#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence
Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'. This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.
#30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism
All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.
#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability
Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.
#32 - Law of Follicular Permanence
Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!
#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics, First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics
*ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking, is automatically aerodynamic.
#34 - Law of Probable Attire
Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -
All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) - Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of damage.
#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence
Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple" things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before.
#36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination
Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation
#37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance
All anime females have an extradimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) - The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.
#38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission
Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed, or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.
#39 - Law of Inverse Attraction
Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less you get, and vice versa.
First Corollary - Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real world...
#40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination
When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections, they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.
#41 - Law of Xylolaceration
Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords, if not sharper.
#42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence
Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done in half the time and twice the angst.
#43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia
There is no Law #43.
#44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation
The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of the attack is announced.
#45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis
Regardless of how long or involved the transformation sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it.
#46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition
Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.
Yay, there they are. So you know, I did not write these, and take no credit for them. Whoever came up with these, many props to you
current mood: mellow
current music: "Rurouni Kenshin Theme Song" - Judy and Mary
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| Wednesday, May 30th, 2001
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9:24 pm - Hello again
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Back in town, and finally on a computer that emits a pulse. My internet connection is being a little bastard, so I'm off my regular computer today, and updating on a dial-up modem. After a year of being on a T1 Ethernet line, it's rather depressing. Oh, well. I'll suck it up for now, since my dorm next semester will have dedicated bandwidth ;P
Finally got to see a few of my friends. It's been a few months, and it was nice to see them again. Also made a new friend, Ty. The guy is very scary, and just downright weird. Just like me. Plus, he's friends with a Japanese chef with a mohawk. You can't beat that.
So now I spend my time stuffing my gullet with food. Ramen, Katsu kuri, Zaru Soba, Tempura. After eating the slop in the dining commons, it actually hurts to eat rich food. But I have to get acclamented sometime...
Okay, time to go eat. Must save strength for DDR bouts later. Oyasumi, mina-san
current mood:  bouncy
current music: Megumi Hayashibara - Zankoku na Tenshi no Thesis
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| Monday, May 21st, 2001
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9:02 am - Ah...full
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Zettai dame zettai!
...whatever.
Dinner was good. Dad and dad's girlfriend and I grubbed. We had sushi, which was cool. Now I have had shrimp, tuna, salmon, yellow tail, and octopus. I liked the fish and the shellfish, but I think I'm gonna have to steer clear of the cephalapods. Too chewey.
I had sukiyaki. Yay. I love sukiyaki; it's good. I don't get to eat it very often, and this was only my 4th time having it. So with my limited base of comparison, it was good. Dad had nabeyaki udon, and dad's girlfriend had halabit, an ancient Japanese recipie. ;p All in all, it was a good meal.
My boss is an idiot. Bad Andy, where the hell is my pizza?! My pizza was stolen last night. My co-worker Gene was delivering a pizza to my friend Dave and Andrea and I last night, and somebody stole it from him. I don't know the details, but it's convenient to blame Andy. Seeing as how he's my boss, all blame for everything from world hunger to why the toast always falls butter-side down can be placed on him. Convenience is great ^_^
In our subsequent excursion to track down food, it was determined that both Jack in the Box and Taco Bell will rue the day they crossed me. My newest phrase was put into good use last night. Fun.
Okay, that's it. Nothing more.
Shoo
current mood: irate
current music: "Zettai Zettai" - Hayashibara Megumi-chan
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| Sunday, May 20th, 2001
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2:45 am - Oto-san!
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Yay, I get to go see my dad tomorrow.
My father the guru... He's a professional philosopher, which means he goes around the world talking about his philosophy. People come to see him to try to make sense of their lives. I'm very proud of him ^_^
So I'm gonna go see him tomorrow. He's in Carmel, so I'll go meet him down there, and we'll go out to dinner and visit for a while, and it'll be cool. Hopefully we'll go to a good Japanese restraunt, Ichi-Riki, and have sushi and sukiyaki! Well, we'll see what we feel like when I see him tomorrow.
Oka-san comes by Wednesday, or Tuesday night, to take away some of the stuff I won't need anymore. Maybe I can get another trip to Ichi Riki out of the deal ^_^ Heehee, sue me. I like the ebi.
AAAUUUGGHHH!!! I had a chance to go to E3 this weekend, but I couldn't...seeing as how it's in L.A., and I'm going to see my father tomorrow. It's okay though, I can just check the net to find out the info. I will miss not being able to oogle the booth babes. Oh, well, sho ga nai.
Okay, away with me. Sleep will come eventually, but for now, Kodomo no Omocha and Slayers Next! Oyasumi Nasai, mina-san.
current mood: excited
current music: "Change the World" - Inu Yasha OST
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| Thursday, May 17th, 2001
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8:43 am - Excel Saga
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Ah, Excel Saga...
.....
The HELL?!
But what exactly is it? Well, it's the story of a girl. And another girl. And a guy. And 3 other guys. And a Space Butler. And dreaded cute creatures...Ok, lemme start over.
It's about a girl named Excel, who is very cute. She works for Across, an organization bent on world domination, but startin slow with a small city. She's a complete idiot, and has more energy than a wolverine on crack. Excel dies a few times in the first episode, but then leaves that to her kohai
Hyatt: To say that Hyatt dies a lot is an understatement. She simply lives every once in a while. Strangely, everyone finds her the most appealing of the two, despite her lack of...blood. She enters the show as the captive of
The Insidious Cute...things:
They're small! They're furry! Goddamn are they kawaii! They look like small litte yellow teddy bears. They can only say "Puchuu", but it can mean anything from "dance" to "War! Conquer!" Of course, if you smack them, they get ugly as hell. They kinda look like
Lupin th..uh, I mean...Nabeshin:
Nabeshin is the producer of the series, but he demanded a cameo. He appears in every episode, for reasons that don't quite reveal themself. Sometimes he is seen with
Pedro: Pedro is a migrant worker who dies. Of course, he stays dead, but his ghost wanders around and says "No!!!!!!!" a lot. His cute son and sexy wife were left behind, but his best friend Gomez filled (among other things) his shoes. Pedro is being seduced by
The Great Will of the Known Universe:
I'z-chan is a floating portal to the known universe with arms. She makes herself useful by resurecting various members of the cast who have a habit of dying. I'z chan has never resurected
Ilparatzo-sama: The mighty leader of Across. He has a cape, so he's a badass. His job description mainly revolvs around sitting on a throne and attempting to entertain himself while Excel and Hyatt go on missions. So far he's an unseccesful punk guitarist, video game enthusiast, domminoe setter, and world takeoverer. He kills Excel a few times, but later decides to drop her down trapdoors. He vaguely correlates to
Menchi: Menchi, the little bitch, is a small dog. She is taken in by the kind-hearted Excel and Hyatt as an emergency food supply. She spends most of her time trying not to become dinner. Menchi's next door neighbors are
Watanabe, Tsumiyoshi, and Iwata: Job seekers. Watanabe tries to get it on with the corpse-lady, Tsumiyoshi doesn't talk, and Iwata gets smacked around by
Mystery Lady: Mystery Lady works for
Mystery Man: Arch-rival of Ilparatzo
PLUS
Soup Lady, Space Butler, and much much more. Watch one episode, and you have to watch more! Watch two episodes, and you have to hide in a corner with a damp cloth over your head while you mutter to yourself! It's fun! It's dandy! It scares the living hell out of the accursed normal people! Watch it today!
Or don't. I could care less... xp
current mood:  crazy
current music: "Night Fight" - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
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1:26 am - Nappy time is at an end
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Aahh, that was fun. Just slept for about 12 hours, and now have to get work done. I have a project due on some dead guy due tomorrow. Damn you Malthus! DAMN YOUUUU!!!
So I'll be spending the next few hours working on that. This is a math class! Why am I writing reports?! Oh well, screw it.
Time to start packing up the dorm. Parents are coming up next week to cart away the heavy stuff. TV is going away, video games are going, pretty much the only thing I'll keep is my computer and some clothes. Maybe I'll let the clothes go too. Hah! Might not go over too well at work...then again, it may double my tips o_O
One of the joys of staying up this late is you have such a variety of intellectually stimulating programs and commercials to watch. Grrrr...if I see one more "Girls Gone Wild" commercial, I'm gonna throw up. XP C'mon, why would you buy something like this? If you're gonna buy porn, buy real porn. Oookay, I think I have crossed a line here. Yup, there it is. I can just make it out through the telescope.
Justin's Words of Wisdom!
....
....
WHERE THE *^%$& IS MY DRAMATIC THUNDER?!?!
Oh fuck it. I'm gonna go work. Night all.
current mood:  busy
current music: Megumi Hayashibara - Sakura Saku
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| Wednesday, May 16th, 2001
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5:20 am - Welcome to this place, Me!
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So, this is my place, eh? Leaves something to be desired, but I think I can dump some of my stuff here. Ahh, yes, this will do nicely.
Hi, I'm Justin, and I'm an insomniac.
::Hi, Justin!::
Well, it's been 21 hours since my last sleep. I'm getting ready for finals, cuz they're coming up next week. I'm writing a few papers right now. I'm jumping back and forth between my Japanese Cinema paper and my Animation for the TV Generation paper. I don't really know when that Animation paper is due, but I think it might be tomorrow. So, I'm going to finish it tonight, I sincearly hope. I'll probably just start watching anime again, though. >sigh< Reno no BAKA!!!
Heehee. I've got my very first kohai! He calls me sempai and everything. Granted, I've had a few subordinates before. This guy Daniel used to worship me back in high school; he called me Sire, and bowed when in my presence. It was a great food for the ego. But he was just a cronie...maybe a lackey. This is my first kohai, which is much MUCH better than being a lackey/cronie/Daniel... ^_^ I explained the whole sempai/kohai relationship to my friend Derek-kun, and we just started calling each other that. He's quiting high school and going into a computers carreer. He's a very smart guy, I bet he's going to do something great with his life. Here's to hoping he'll remember me if he ever needs a lackey/cronie lol
I don't want greatness. I just want to be happy.
So, I sit here in my dark little box. It's not a dorm, it's a box. I'm in a single room with another guy sleeping in here. He snores and plays Counterstrike when I'm trying to sleep (not at the same time, mind you). I can't wait to move in with my friend Dave next semester. Finally, a double room, with a guy I can talk to and people who actually know what that silver lever on the toilet is for.
Justin's Words of Wisdom! ::dramatic thunder::
I If thou art in college, thou shalt know how to flush a fucking toilet!
More to come, for now, I have papers to write.
Oyasumi nasai
current mood:  sleepy
current music: "Little Busters" - FLCL (Addict)
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5:19 am - Welcome, me
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So, this is my place, eh? Leaves something to be desired, but I think I can dump some of my stuff here. Ahh, yes, this will do nicely.
Hi, I'm Justin, and I'm an insomniac.
::Hi, Justin!::
Well, it's been 21 hours since my last sleep. I'm getting ready for finals, cuz they're coming up next week. I'm writing a few papers right now. I'm jumping back and forth between my Japanese Cinema paper and my Animation for the TV Generation paper. I don't really know when that Animation paper is due, but I think it might be tomorrow. So, I'm going to finish it tonight, I sincearly hope. I'll probably just start watching anime again, though. >sigh< Reno no BAKA!!!
Heehee. I've got my very first kohai! He calls me sempai and everything. Granted, I've had a few subordinates before. This guy Daniel used to worship me back in high school; he called me Sire, and bowed when in my presence. It was a great food for the ego. But he was just a cronie...maybe a lackey. This is my first kohai, which is much MUCH better than being a lackey/cronie/Daniel... ^_^ I explained the whole sempai/kohai relationship to my friend Derek-kun, and we just started calling each other that. He's quiting high school and going into a computers carreer. He's a very smart guy, I bet he's going to do something great with his life. Here's to hoping he'll remember me if he ever needs a lackey/cronie lol
I don't want greatness. I just want to be happy.
So, I sit here in my dark little box. It's not a dorm, it's a box. I'm in a single room with another guy sleeping in here. He snores and plays Counterstrike when I'm trying to sleep (not at the same time, mind you). I can't wait to move in with my friend Dave next semester. Finally, a double room, with a guy I can talk to and people who actually know what that silver lever on the toilet is for.
Justin's Words of Wisdom! ::dramatic thunder::
I If thou art in college, thou shalt know how to flush a fucking toilet!
More to come, for now, I have papers to rol...write.
Oyasumi nasai
current mood: sleepy
current music: "Welcome to Joe's Apartment" by a group of cockroaches
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5:17 am - Welcome, me
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So, this is my place, eh? Leaves something to be desired, but I think I can dump some of my stuff here. Ahh, yes, this will do nicely.
Hi, I'm Justin, and I'm an insomniac.
::Hi, Justin!::
Well, it's been 21 hours since my last sleep. I'm getting ready for finals, cuz they're coming up next week. I'm writing a few papers right now. I'm jumping back and forth between my Japanese Cinema paper and my Animation for the TV Generation paper. I don't really know when that Animation paper is due, but I think it might be tomorrow. So, I'm going to finish it tonight, I sincearly hope. I'll probably just start watching anime again, though. >sigh< Reno no BAKA!!!
Heehee. I've got my very first kohai! He calls me sempai and everything. Granted, I've had a few subordinates before. This guy Daniel used to worship me back in high school; he called me Sire, and bowed when in my presence. It was a great food for the ego. But he was just a cronie...maybe a lackey. This is my first kohai, which is much MUCH better than being a lackey/cronie/Daniel... ^_^ I explained the whole sempai/kohai relationship to my friend Derek-kun, and we just started calling each other that. He's quiting high school and going into a computers carreer. He's a very smart guy, I bet he's going to do something great with his life. Here's to hoping he'll remember me if he ever needs a lackey/cronie lol
I don't want greatness. I just want to be happy.
So, I sit here in my dark little box. It's not a dorm, it's a box. I'm in a single room with another guy sleeping in here. He snores and plays Counterstrike when I'm trying to sleep (not at the same time, mind you). I can't wait to move in with my friend Dave next semester. Finally, a double room, with a guy I can talk to and people who actually know what that silver lever on the toilet is for.
Justin's Words of Wisdom! ::dramatic thunder::
I If thou art in college, thou shalt know how to flush a fucking toilet!
More to come, for now, I have papers to rol...write.
Oyasumi nasai
current mood: sleepy
current music: "Welcome to Joe's Apartment" by a group of cockroaches
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5:17 am - Welcome, me
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So, this is my place, eh? Leaves something to be desired, but I think I can dump some of my stuff here. Ahh, yes, this will do nicely.
Hi, I'm Justin, and I'm an insomniac.
::Hi, Justin!::
Well, it's been 21 hours since my last sleep. I'm getting ready for finals, cuz they're coming up next week. I'm writing a few papers right now. I'm jumping back and forth between my Japanese Cinema paper and my Animation for the TV Generation paper. I don't really know when that Animation paper is due, but I think it might be tomorrow. So, I'm going to finish it tonight, I sincearly hope. I'll probably just start watching anime again, though. >sigh< Reno no BAKA!!!
Heehee. I've got my very first kohai! He calls me sempai and everything. Granted, I've had a few subordinates before. This guy Daniel used to worship me back in high school; he called me Sire, and bowed when in my presence. It was a great food for the ego. But he was just a cronie...maybe a lackey. This is my first kohai, which is much MUCH better than being a lackey/cronie/Daniel... ^_^ I explained the whole sempai/kohai relationship to my friend Derek-kun, and we just started calling each other that. He's quiting high school and going into a computers carreer. He's a very smart guy, I bet he's going to do something great with his life. Here's to hoping he'll remember me if he ever needs a lackey/cronie lol
I don't want greatness. I just want to be happy.
So, I sit here in my dark little box. It's not a dorm, it's a box. I'm in a single room with another guy sleeping in here. He snores and plays Counterstrike when I'm trying to sleep (not at the same time, mind you). I can't wait to move in with my friend Dave next semester. Finally, a double room, with a guy I can talk to and people who actually know what that silver lever on the toilet is for.
Justin's Words of Wisdom! ::dramatic thunder::
I If thou art in college, thou shalt know how to flush a fucking toilet!
More to come, for now, I have papers to rol...write.
Oyasumi nasai
current mood: sleepy
current music: "Welcome to Joe's Apartment" by a group of cockroaches
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